Reviewing 2012 Resolution: Stop Criticizing Others

Almost a year ago, I made a new year resolution to stop criticizing others, or at the very least, to reduce my habitual tendency to criticize others. Now is a good time to look back and examine the outcome.

Criticizing others is a habit that seems to come naturally for most of us, if not all of us. This is probably because it is easy to see the faults of others but difficult to see one’s own faults. Also, the habit of criticizing others is easily perpetuated as we can criticize others silently in our mind without verbalizing it. There are some, however, who just cannot seem to stop themselves from opening their mouth and criticize in public.

My reason for not criticizing others is mainly for personal development. I wanted to see whether it can be done, and whether the outcome would shed some light on my personal behavior and mental tendencies. Read more

How to Cultivate a Spiritual Relationship

What is a spiritual relationship?

A relationship is how we relate to other. A spiritual relationship is a relationship that aims for the highest good for those in the relationship. It is one that facilitates our spiritual growth.

Here are some tips on how to cultivate a spiritual relationship with another. Read more

How to Forgive Yourself

In one of the personal transformation workshops that I conducted, one of the participants asked, “How do you forgive yourself?”Such a simple and straightforward question, yet the ramifications are immense. The question does not just say, “Teach me how to forgive myself” but also suggests that “I do not know how to forgive myself” or “I do not know how to love myself”.

Truly, it seems that loving one self is one of the hardest things to do in life. To me, not to be able to love one self is symptomatic of several issues, namely, self blame, not being able to accept one’s own imperfections, not knowing how to be compassionate towards one self and ironically, not willing to take responsibility for one’s own happiness.

Self forgiving is essential for healing our wounds – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. However, in order to forgive one self, one has to learn these few things: Read more

15 Things You Should Give Up to be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and you’ll feel much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go and allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to them.

Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!

1. Give up your need to always be right.
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the “urgent” need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control.
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” - Lao Tzu Read more

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Read more

A Look at the Principle of Mutuality

The Principle of Mutuality is a universal principle that says that every interaction we have with another is based on mutual agreement. By this, we mean that the interaction must be fair and beneficial to both parties. Only in this way can the interaction become truly meaningful and healthy.

The acceptance of this principle is implied in every relationship. Problems arise when this principle is violated. Violation can be at the conscious level or the unconscious level.

Taking What is not Given

At the conscious level, we violate this principle each time we consciously intent and act to take from others what is not given. This includes the taking of intangible as well as tangible things. Tangible things are things like properties, belongings, money and even this body. Intangibles are things like life, rights, space, time, self esteem, choices, values and trust. Avoiding taking tangible things from others without their explicit permissions is easier as it requires coarser awareness. Avoiding taking intangible things from others, on the other hand, requires more awareness and attention on our part. Read more

5 Ways to Deal with Conflicts

Conflicts are bound to arise in our relationships from time to time. Very often, conflicts arise from simple mis-communication. At other times, conflicts are due to clashes of personalities.

Each of us deals with conflicts differently. There are at least 5 ways in which we can deal with conflicts, but not all of them lead to desirable outcomes. Can you identify which of these ways you predominantly use to resolve conflicts in your life?

1. Avoidance
    “It’s not a big problem. Why rock the boat?”

2. Accommodation
    “I’m willing to give up a lot to avoid conflicts.” Read more

The Principle of Mutuality in Relationships

There is a universal rule or principle that, if properly practiced and adhered to in every layer of societies, will bring about peace, prosperity and justice for all. This principle is called the principle of mutuality. Elsewhere in the scriptures, it is also known as the Golden Rule or “do unto others as you would want others to do unto you”.

The principle of mutuality is based on the recognition that life is precious to all living beings and that every being has the equal right to life, liberty and self expression, provided that in expressing yourself you do not trample on another being’s similar rights. For this principle to work effectively, there is a need for openness, honesty and courage, and the realization that we are all subjected to the universal law of cause and effect. You reap what you sow.

In practical terms, what this means is that you have the same universal rights as everyone else. You do not have more rights than another. Neither do you have less rights than others. This is irregardless of whether you are rich or poor; a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or Jew; a European, Asian, African or Aborigine; a male or female; or whether you are smarter or dumber than others. Likewise, in corporations and governments, you have these same rights to demand for equal justice, regardless of whether you are the governed or the governor.

In our relationships with others, this principle is particularly important in bringing about an equal and enriching partnership. When adhered to, it brings about respect for each other, fair play and sharing of roles and responsibilities. It encourages personal and mutual growth, as well as spiritual development. However, putting this principle into practice is not easy as it requires a high degree of self awareness, a non-judgmental attitude and especially the taming of the ego.

The ego has this attitude that “I am more important than you”. Thus we often see how it tries to manipulate every relationship to its own advantage at the expense of others. In a position of power, it will abuse its power. We see this in government and institutional leaders as well as in homes and families. We see this in teacher-student relationships as well. Even among friends, we need to be aware of this dynamics.

If I ask you to examine your own key relationships, such as husband-wife, parent-child, and employer-employee relationships, are you able to honestly say that these relationships are equal and fair for all concern, or are they heavily leaning to one side? One simple way to know whether our relationship is balanced is to see how happy the two persons in the relationship are. If it is well balanced, then both are equally happy. If either one is unhappy or both are, then an unequal dynamic exists. The more it diverts from the center, the more unhealthy the relationship is, and the more important it is for you to do something about it. Leaving such one-sided relationships in status quo only serves to perpetuate this inequality in your relationships as well as in society. In addition, inaction on your part breeds contempt for yourself and squashes your personal and spiritual growth.

Now is as good a time as any to re-examine all your relationships.

Self Forgiveness is Essential for Healing

In the waiting room in my clinic, there is a poster that says “Self Forgiveness is Essential for Healing”. A patient once asked me what it means and why I put it up there.

There are two main reasons why I put the poster up.

Firstly, I want my patients to realise that some physical illnesses are just manifestations of unresolved emotions and conflicts. Most times, these unresolved emotions have to do with anger and self blame. Both emotions are actually two sides of the same coin. The difference is that with anger, we direct the negative emotion outward at an external object or person while we direct it inwardly at ourselves in self blame. Both emotions are harmful to ourselves and may actually lead to physical illnesses. Some researchers believe that there is a strong link between such negative emotions with cancer. Read more

Why You Should Always Buy the Best

One of the single, biggest mistakes people make in their quest for wealth is buying things because they’re cheap rather than buying things because they’re the best.

Surrounding yourself with cheap things is not in any way conducive to developing and maintaining the mental attitude that’s absolutely necessary for you to become wealthy.

In an article titled “The Constructive Attitude”, the fifth article in his “Lessons in Constructive Science” series, Wallace D. Wattles, best known for his classic masterpiece “The Science of Getting Rich”, said this on the subject: Read more

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