Have you been stocking up food stuff at home, just in case? I know of at least a friend who admitted that she had stocked some some extra food in her house – just in case.

As I was opening up my clinic to start the day’s work yesterday morning, a patient was waiting for me. She walked towards me and asked, “Doctor, do you think what they say about tomorrow will happen? Should I be prepared?” At first, the questions did not register in my mind but eventually it sank in. She was referring to the end of the world prediction!

Doomsday predictions have been around for as long as we can remember. In recent memories, we have had our own Y2K doomsday prediction, which did not come true. It was not even close. But why do so many feel so drawn towards doomsday predictions? What are their appeals?

According to Stephanie Pappas’ article published on LiveScience, doomsday predictions are based on the need to reconcile two conflicting beliefs. The first is that there is something terribly wrong with the world we live in. The second is that there is a higher good or purpose to existence. The draw of doomsday predictions is that it helps to reconcile these two beliefs – allowing a higher cosmic power to sweep away all the wrongs in the world and start afresh.

If you are fascinated by doomsday predictions, perhaps you should take a closer look at your mind and honestly examine why you are drawn to them.

So, once again I asked, have you stocked up extra food stuff just in case? What does this action tell you about yourself? Does it reflect your deeper fear about death? Is there some degree of disenchantment about the world you live in? Do you see the world as hostile? Do you see the human condition as hopeless? Are you in despair and see the end of the world as an honorable way out?

It could be all of these or none of these. In any case, this presents a good opportunity for an honest self reflection. Perhaps we might learn something interesting about ourselves and our inner psyche.

Almost a year ago, I made a new year resolution to stop criticizing others, or at the very least, to reduce my habitual tendency to criticize others. Now is a good time to look back and examine the outcome.

Criticizing others is a habit that seems to come naturally for most of us, if not all of us. This is probably because it is easy to see the faults of others but difficult to see one’s own faults. Also, the habit of criticizing others is easily perpetuated as we can criticize others silently in our mind without verbalizing it. There are some, however, who just cannot seem to stop themselves from opening their mouth and criticize in public.

My reason for not criticizing others is mainly for personal development. I wanted to see whether it can be done, and whether the outcome would shed some light on my personal behavior and mental tendencies.

The first thing I notice is that it is not easy to stop oneself from criticizing others if one is not mindful. Thus, it takes conscious effort to be aware of our thoughts and habits as we converse with others, so that we can make conscious decisions not to criticize others in our conversation. I saw my habit of criticizing others most clearly when I was having casual conversations with my family members and close friends. Often, we are most critical of our own children. With conscious effort, I was able to reduce my habit of criticizing others.

The other thing I notice was that we often jumped to conclusions without slowing down to verify an assumption before we opened our mouth to criticize. This habit of jumping to conclusions is not beneficial at all, not only because it creates unnecessary moments of embarrassment for us but also because it leads to unfair accusations and unprovoked conflicts. So, we should learn to be slow to criticize others, pondering over whether it is beneficial or not before opening our mouth to criticize.

A good rule to follow is this:

1. Is it true?

First, verify whether it is true. Naturally, if it is not true, we do not go any further.

2. Is it good?

Secondly, even if it is true, we should examine whether what we are going to say is good or bad. If we are saying something true and positive, there is no problem. However, if we are planning to say something true but is negative in nature, then we should ask ourselves the third question.

3. Is it beneficial?

Sometimes, we have to say something that is true but negative. In such circumstances, we need to ask ourselves whether it is beneficial to say it. Are we saying it because we hope it will be of benefit to the listeners, or are we saying it out of spike, or merely to boost our own ego?

If it is for the benefits of the listeners, then we should choose our words wisely and say it in an appropriate way.

If we are mindful of this simple guideline when we converse with others, we will be able to reduce our criticisms to the minimum. The end result of this is less conflicts in your relationships, less embarrassment, a more peaceful heart and a happier person.

Why happier? Because subconsciously we do not like ourselves when we criticize others.

What is a spiritual relationship?

A relationship is how we relate to other. A spiritual relationship is a relationship that aims for the highest good for those in the relationship. It is one that facilitates our spiritual growth.

Here are some tips on how to cultivate a spiritual relationship with another.

1. A Spiritual Being in Physical Experience

Most people believe they are physical human beings, with perhaps some tendency or inclination to seek a spiritual experience. Living with this belief automatically limits our spiritual experience for it puts our spirituality in the backseat.

Instead, choose to believe that we are spiritual beings in physical manifestation. This choice automatically brings your spiritual experience into center stage, and you will begin to see every relationship as an opportunity for spiritual growth.

Remember, whatever you choose to believe in, you’re right, for a belief is merely a perception of reality.

2. Free Will

As a spiritual being, we have free will and complete control over our life. However, this is only true IF we have full control over our mind. The more mindful or conscious we are, the more free will we have.

Therefore, in every situation in a relationship, we have a choice as to how we choose to respond. We have the freedom to respond positively or negatively. Responding positively not only helps us to grow spiritually but also offer the other person an opportunity to do so as well. When we respond negatively, we miss an opportunity for growth.

3. Do not judge

To judge implies that we are superior to another. It implies that we know better or are more evolved. This is the working of the egoic mind. Every time we judge, we validate and strengthen our egoic mind.

Our egoic mind is the proverbial devil in disguise. If it cannot win by force, it will try to win through cunning and trickery. It is so good and subtle at this that we are often fooled by it.

To judge also implies that we are forcing our own beliefs, concepts, desires and expectations on another. In other words, we are not honoring their free will.

Each time we judge another, we are doing ourselves and the other person a disservice. We are perpetuating a negative tendency that continues to validate our egoic mind. At the same time, we encroach on the other person’s space and choice, and are more likely to create a resistance in him or her, rather than a positive respond.

4. Do not blame

To blame also implies superiority over another. To blame another also means we do not take responsibility for our share in the relationship.

A relationship is a two-way thing. It takes two to tango. You cannot clap with one hand. This means that in a relationship, both are equally responsible for the outcome.

When we blame another, we are actually saying, “It is your fault, not mine.”

However, we should also remember not to blame ourselves. Since every relationship is an opportunity for spiritual growth, take every situation as an opportunity to learn and evolve. There is no need to blame oneself or others.

5. Acceptance

Learn to accept ourselves and the other person, together with all the strengths and weaknesses. We are here to evolve into a spiritual being with full consciousness in our physical manifestation. Each of us are here for certain unique lessons.

Through acceptance, we help each other to grow. Through acceptance, we let go of our tendency to judge, blame and control.

In cultivating a spiritual relationship, we are BE-ing unconditional love.

Author:

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor and the author of “From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey” and “The Book of Personal Transformation”. He is also a contributing author of David Riklan’s “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life – Volume 3″ with other authors like Mark Victor Hansen, Ken Blanchard, Byron Katie and Les Brown. You can get more inspiring and mind transforming articles at his websites at The Self Improvement Site and Mind Science 101.

In one of the personal transformation workshops that I conducted, one of the participants asked, “How do you forgive yourself?”Such a simple and straightforward question, yet the ramifications are immense. The question does not just say, “Teach me how to forgive myself” but also suggests that “I do not know how to forgive myself” or “I do not know how to love myself”.

Truly, it seems that loving one self is one of the hardest things to do in life. To me, not to be able to love one self is symptomatic of several issues, namely, self blame, not being able to accept one’s own imperfections, not knowing how to be compassionate towards one self and ironically, not willing to take responsibility for one’s own happiness.

Self forgiving is essential for healing our wounds – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. However, in order to forgive one self, one has to learn these few things:

1. End the Blame Game

Our mind has a habit of looking for someone to blame for all the unpleasant things in life. Therefore, by extension, if it is not someone else’s faults, then it must be our own fault. Thus the self blame begins. People who blame themselves are often also critical of others. They have the habit of finding faults in this and that, in this person or that person, in the government, in mother nature and in just about any other things. It is this very mental habit of criticizing that is harmful – to ourselves, to our relationships with others and to our society as a whole.

Thus, if you truly want to learn to forgive yourself, learn to stop this blame game.

Accept that people are not perfect. This is a fact. The sooner you accept that you are not perfect, the easier it is for you to start forgiving yourself. Our goal in life is to do the best we can despite our imperfections. It is also to learn of our imperfections and to see if we can and would like to transform those imperfections to something better. In this way, life becomes a constantly growing process of self improvement.

In the same way that you accept the fact that you are not perfect, please also remember that others are also not perfect. So, do not expect perfection from them. To do so only set yourself up for unnecessary disappointments. Be forgiving towards their mistakes. As you become more forgiving towards their mistakes, you will learn also to be forgiving towards yourself. If you find that you are habitually hard on others, you will discover that you are also hard on yourself.

2. Be Compassionate towards Yourself

As you learn to end the blame game, your level of compassion will rise. Indeed, compassion flows naturally out of your being when you stop blaming. This is because when you stop the blame game, your perspective will shift. Instead of seeing and jumping on the mistakes, you see the sufferings in the person. You will see that he or she is just like you, vulnerable and fearful, and acting out of those fears instead of out of the wisdom of love. Again, as you become more genuinely compassionate towards others, you will learn to be more compassionate towards yourself too.

3. Take Responsibility for your own Happiness

By this, I mean that no one can make you unhappy without your co-operation. This is a lesson that I learned from Bruce di Marsico, an American psychologist who introduced the Option Method. According to Bruce, we all have the option to choose whether to be happy or not, regardless of the circumstances. If we choose not to be happy, it is only because we believe we have to be unhappy, and this belief is wrong. The Option Method is a simple method that helps you see the error of this sort of thinking.

Truly, we create our own happiness or unhappiness through the way we think. People who are optimistic have a mental habit of seeing the positive side of things. Conversely, pessimists habitually see only the negative. So, if you are seeking for happiness, make sure that your mental habits are suited for this purpose. If not, you take responsibility for them and transform them.

Ironically, some people actually indulge in self pity and self blame as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own life and happiness. This is usually done unconsciously, meaning that they are not aware that they are doing this to themselves. Thus the first step to re-claiming yourself in this instance is to become aware of this unhealthy mental habit.

In fact, self awareness is the first step to a lot of healing processes, including forgiving ourselves.

 4. Learn the Lessons and Move On

Making mistakes is inevitable in life. The important thing is to be able to learn the lessons we need to improve ourselves from those mistakes and move on. There is no need to brood long and hard over the mistakes. In fact, it is unhealthy to do so. Grieve and feel remorse, if you must, but there is no point in beating yourself up over and over again. What is done is done. You cannot turn back time. Just learn the lessons and make sure you do not repeat those mistakes in future. In this way, you will benefit as you become a better person. In addition, the people around you will benefit as well.

If you learn all these 4 things well, you will be able to forgive yourself.

Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!

1. Give up your need to always be right.
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the “urgent” need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control.
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” - Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame.
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk.
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” - Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” - Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining.
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism.
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others.
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change.
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” - Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels.
Stop labeling the things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” - Dr. Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears.
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses.
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck and lie to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time, are not even real.

13. Give up the past.
I know, I know. This one’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But, you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment.
This is a concept that, for most of us, is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too (it still is), but it’s not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless; where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot co-exist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations.
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them; to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need… and eventually, they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Author Unknown

Rather than drawing up a long list of things to do and to avoid, for this year I will focus only on one resolution. It is a resolution that, even if I am not able to fully keep it or even if I manage to keep it for a little while, I should still be able to benefit from it. There should be some perceptible difference to my experience of life.

So, for the new year, my resolution is simply to cease criticizing. By this, I mean stop my mental habit of criticizing others and myself. This is a very common mental tendency but most people are not aware that this tendency is very harmful to our well being as well as detrimental to our happiness. So if you want more peace in your life and more positive experiences, then I suggest that you make this your new year resolution as well.

Do not look down on this simple resolution. It may be a simple resolution but it is not an easy one to keep. However, each time I am able to stop myself from criticizing others or myself, I am achieving an important thing.

I am unlearning my mental tendency of focusing on the negative, whether it is the person or the deed, and relearning a new mental tendency of focusing on the positive. In the process, I am also learning to let go of my needs to be right or be perfect, or my need for others to say, act or behave in one way or another that matches my own expectations. In other words, I am learning to accept things and people as they are. I am also learning to accept myself as I am.

As always, all mental cultivation require the skill of mindfulness or heightened non-judgmental self awareness. Thus, in order to be able to keep this single resolution, I will need to constantly remind myself to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions.

So, while this single resolution to cease criticizing may look simple, it is not easy. Changing any existing mental habit is never easy but the fruit is well worth the effort. Do it slowly, one step at a time, and gradually it will become a new and better mental habit that will surely change the way you experience your life.

Remember, a small tweak here can make a huge difference to the quality of your life.

Happy New Year!

Source: WildMind.org

Right at the very beginning of my meditation practice I was introduced to both mindfulness of breathing and the development of lovingkindness meditation. It was explained to me that both of these practices were equally important, that they were complementary, and that alternating these practices prevented imbalance in our approach. It was stressed, in fact, that sometimes lovingkindness practice is more important than mindfulness practice — especially for people who have a tendency toward being angry or over-critical.

I’ve never had cause to doubt any of that advice.

There are many meditators, however, who only practice mindfulness meditation, and often lovingkindness practice is seen as second-best. Generally in western Buddhist practice, there is a heavy emphasis on particular forms of mindfulness meditation. And no doubt because of this arguably narrow emphasis, that’s the form of Buddhist meditation that’s been most commonly studied in the burgeoning research on the effects of meditative practice.

But beside mindfulness there are traditionally many forms of meditation practice, with one common list — the kammaṭṭhānas (literally “places of work”) including no less than forty forms of meditation. And in the Buddhist scriptures generally, there is a heavy emphasis on lovingkindness (mettā) meditation, especially as part of the four brahmavihāras, or sublime abodes.

Lovingkindness, fortunately, is becoming better known, and researchers are now studying the effects of practicing that form of meditation, showing that they positively affect health and well-being.

Here are a few highlights:

• A study done at Stanford University used a brief lovingkindness meditation exercise to examine whether social connection could be created toward strangers in a controlled laboratory context. Compared with a closely matched control task, even just a few minutes of lovingkindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity toward strangers on both conscious and unconscious levels.
• A Duke University Medical Center pilot study tested an eight-week lovingkindness program for chronic low back pain patients. Patients were randomly assigned to practice lovingkindness or were given standard care. Standardized measures assessed patients’ pain, anger, and psychological distress. There were significant improvements in pain and psychological distress in the lovingkindness group — even after the study had ended. There were no improvements in the usual care group. An analysis of patients’ diaries showed that more lovingkindness practice on a given day was related to lower pain that day and lower anger the next day.
• Researcher Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill took working adults and assigned them randomly to a lovingkindness meditation group or to a control group. Her studyfound that lovingkindness practice increased daily experiences of positive emotions, which in turn produced increases in a wide range of personal resources, including increased mindfulness, a sense of purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms. These increments in personal resources predict increased life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms.
• In a study by Richard Davidson, scans revealed significant activity in the insula – a region near the frontal portion of the brain that plays a key role in bodily representations of emotion – when long-term meditators were generating compassion and were exposed to emotional vocalizations. The insula is extremely important in detecting emotions in general and specifically in mapping bodily responses to emotion – such as heart rate and blood pressure – and making that information available to other parts of the brain.
• The same study showed increased activity in the temporal parietal juncture, particularly in the right hemisphere. Studies have implicated this area as important in processing empathy, especially in perceiving the mental and emotional state of others.
• Compassion meditation has been shown to reduce reactions to inflammation and distress. An Emory University study showed a strong relationship between the time spent practicing meditation and reductions in inflammation and emotional distress in response to stress. Those who practiced the most meditation showed reductions in inflammation and distress in response to stressors when compared to the low practice group and the control group. As one of the researchers noted, “If practicing compassion meditation does reduce inflammatory responses to stress it might offer real promise as a means of preventing many conditions associated with stress and with inflammation including major depression, heart disease and diabetes.”
• A review by researchers in the US and Germany suggested that Lovingkindness and compassion meditation “may provide potentially useful strategies for targeting a variety of different psychological problems that involve interpersonal processes, such as depression, social anxiety, marital conflict, anger, and coping with the strains of long-term caregiving.”

In some of these studies, the benefits were revealed after only twelve hours of meditation. Hopefully future studies will reveal yet more about the power of lovingkindness and compassion meditation.

If you’re interested in exploring lovingkindness practice in more depth, we have an extensive, free, self-paced guide, which includes audio guided meditations.

In a world where chaos seems to reign, is there any hope of finding peace? Here are a few tips to reclaim the peace and sense of safety missing in your life today.

1. Look Within

Instead of trying to fix things outside, let us begin by fixing what is wrong inside – within ourselves. Examine our values, beliefs and the principles we uphold. Take a good and honest look at our motivations. Are our actions motivated by fear or by love?

We are now experiencing the effects of actions that were motivated by greed (financial collapse) and hatred (terrorism). We should know by now that if our motivation is not pure, the end result cannot be good, even if it may look good in the short term.

2. Eliminate Fear and Selfishness

The more we feed fear, the stronger fear grows. We need to recognize and acknowledge the fear within us, and face our fear. Only when we do that can we learn to overcome our own fear. It is possible to live a life without fear. Indeed, that is what ultimately freedom means – the freedom from fear.

Again, when we look at the world outside, we are seeing repressive regimes that promote fear and exploit their people are now having to deal with the backlash of such repressions. Fear cannot sustain itself. Eventually, it will fail.

The same is true for us as well. If we let fear becomes the motivating force in our life – in our behaviors and actions – it will eventually fail us too. If we look closely, we will realize that selfishness is a form of fear. Therefore, we need to eliminate selfishness.

3. Seek Peace within You

Peace is our birthright. It is our true nature, our essence. If we look within and eliminate fear, we will find peace within us. It has been there all the time. Only our fear and selfishness have blinded us and obscure our sight.

If you have been living fearfully all your life, it can be difficult to believe that peace is within you. Yet, you must have faith that this is true. Only then will you begin to seek it within.

Once again, we can look at the world outside to learn that all who seek peace outside have not found it. Only those who seek peace within have found it. Ask the sages and the saints. They will tell you this simple truth.

Put these three simple tips into practice in your life and you will reap the benefits.

I wish for you peace and joy in life.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Source: Unknown

The acceptance of this principle is implied in every relationship. Problems arise when this principle is violated. Violation can be at the conscious level or the unconscious level.

Taking What is not Given

At the conscious level, we violate this principle each time we consciously intent and act to take from others what is not given. This includes the taking of intangible as well as tangible things. Tangible things are things like properties, belongings, money and even this body. Intangibles are things like life, rights, space, time, self esteem, choices, values and trust. Avoiding taking tangible things from others without their explicit permissions is easier as it requires coarser awareness. Avoiding taking intangible things from others, on the other hand, requires more awareness and attention on our part.

We also often violates the principle of mutuality in an unconscious way. By this I mean that we are not fully aware of having violated this principle. Perhaps we did not have the conscious intention to take what is not given to us but due to our lack of self awareness, we nevertheless violated it. To prevent this unconscious violation requires a much higher level of self awareness from us. It requires courageous introspection and the examination of our habitual mental tendencies. Only then can we eliminate this unintentional violation of the principle of mutuality.

Giving Away our Power

Another source of problems with this principle is when we ourselves give away our power to the other party. Most often, we do this unconsciously and unintentionally. When we do not know how to be assertive with our rights, we dis-empower ourselves. When we do not even know our own rights, we do not know what we have given away. Thus, knowing our rights and being assertive are two essential elements to empowering ourselves. Knowledge is required for the former and courage for the latter.

Two to Tango?

The principle of mutuality is a spiritual principle that governs relationships. When adhered to, it can bring forth spiritually fulfilling encounters and outcomes for everyone in the relationships. This is the ideal spiritual relationship. It is a win-win and is conducive to growth and personal transformation.

Although every relationship involves two or more parties, it does not mean that if the other party chooses to violate this principle, you on your own cannot adhere to it. In fact, irregardless of whether the other party is aware of or adhere to this principle of mutuality or not, you can continue to live in accordance with it.

The Right Attitude

All it needs to succeed with this principle is to have the right attitude. What is the right attitude? When interacting with another, ask yourself “How can I make this interaction beneficial, meaningful and fulfilling to all concerned?”

I see this approach working out very well in my work as a general practitioner. As soon as a patient walked into my consultation room, I ask myself “How can I make this encounter a wonderful experience for him/her?” Most people are already quite apprehensive when they see a doctor, so simply by being warm and friendly, and making them feel at ease begins the process of healing for them.

I believe this approach is suitable for all types of interactions, including personal, social and business, and strongly encourage that you give it a try. You would be amazed at the results.